Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Live the life you love

 I have felt that I need to share some things on my blog lately. I have received a handful of emails from complete strangers, saying that my story has inspired them in their own personal lives and struggles. I feel completely humbled and thankful that my story has touched someone! I never would have thought. Since I have received those emails, I have wondered if I should share some more personal learning experiences, because sometimes when I open up, I have someone out there who appreciates me doing so.

With that being said, this post will focus on overcoming trials in your life and learning how to regain your own personal happiness. I am by no means a therapist, but I want to share with you what I have learned from my own personal experiences. So take it for what it's worth-

I know quite a few people who have been in a terrible, destructive relationship- and it breaks my heart. But what breaks my heart even more, is when they dont know how to get themselves out of that binding relationship, to discover their true potential and happiness! My dear friends, I have been in this exact spot. I was married. With a child. And the relationship was unhealthy, destructive, depressing, emotionally draining, and I was coiled up in this unhappiness for quite some time. There were many infedelities, and I just became numb to being in this kind of a relationship, and stayed in it for way too long. I felt that I couldn't get out of the relationship because we had a child together, and I kept trying to make it work. I kept trying to change him. I kept "dealing" with the way he was treating me because I wanted to hold onto that idea of things eventually working out, and we would be a perfect little family down the road.

  Us women are built this way. We dream of that fairy tale life and want that feeling of being in a relationship... Even if we have to "deal" with being hurt every once in a while.
NO! This has got to stop! And the reason why I am writing this post is because I was that person. For too long. And I know too many people who are in that same situation.
While I was going through all of that pain, I didn't realize how bad it really was. I became numb. I literally remember believing that this was just the way that marriage was and I just needed to deal with it. Crazy right? It took me a LONG time to first, realize that I deserved a little bit more than the way that I was being treated, And two, get out of the relationship. It wasn't easy. But I had to get out. I remember my old boss seeing me struggle and seeing me fade away from my usual happy self. She told me something simple, that I never forgot. She said, "you can CHOOSE your life. You can CHOOSE your happiness. Life is too short to be unhappy" and I held onto those words as it gave me the strength to go through the divorce process.
 At the time, it was hard for me to see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I had to have faith that there was happiness in store for me. Atleast more happiness than I was experiencing. Before, during, and after the divorce, I went to therapy. Therapy was the rescue ring that pulled me out of the deep dark water. I highly suggest it! I went to therapy, I traveled, I got new hobbies, I hung out with friends, I went back to school.. I did things to keep myself busy. I had to learn how to LET GO of all the pain that he had caused me. It was the most difficult process I had ever experienced. Especially with a child involved that will forever be connected to him.

Letting go of resentment is key to your happiness.
 Learning how to let go of an unhealthy relationship, realizing your self worth, and rebuilding yourself is the hardest thing to do. But it had to be done with myself. It was my only option to get my life to be how I choose it to be. Through many therapy sessions and with time, I could see that light at the end of the tunnel. That was a great feeling. I started feeling a small amount of happiness again. I started feeling a small sense of self worth again. I started doing things to better my life.  I started focusing on Changing ME rather than trying to change someone else to how I wanted them to be. I started feeling independent. I started focusing on being a better mother for Ellie and doing things for the sake of her future. Feeling these gave me my confidence back. This was a slow process. It definitely didn't happen over night. It took a lot of getting out of my comfort level, trying new things, and learning that it's okay to be on my own and not have to rely on someone else for my happiness. It's MY life and I am the one in charge.

  Once I got to the point of being independent and happy again, everything in my life seemed to fall into place. I do not think that was coincidental, but that it was because I was finally and truly ready for good things to come into my life. I had finally let go of resentment. I had finally felt good about myself. I had finally realized that I deserved to be treated like a Queen. 
 Ryan came along at the perfect time in my life. I believe that if he would have came into my life two months earlier, I would not have been emotionally ready, and things may not have worked out the way they did. He came into my life when I was emotionally stable and when I was independent,happy, and resentment-free. And because I had bettered myself and focused on myself for a while, I was finally ready to let someone into my life. I was ready to take that chance on a relationship again. And boy, was this time around veeerrrryyy different. :) 
 I believe that because I was truly happier on the outside and on the inside, I attracted the kind of man that I was meant to have. I learned how important it is to become the best person that we can be---and then our time for a good relationship will come...because we deserve it.

  I appreciate the many emails from my readers, telling me their story. I have a big place in my heart for people who have gone or are going through something similar to what I did-- Because I know how hard it can be. I know that at times you literally feel like you can't go on anymore. You feel like you're the only one going through this horrible experience.. You wonder what is wrong with yourself...You start blaming yourself for the situation... which is the exact opposite of what is reality. And that is why I chose to write about my experience. So that maybe someone, somewhere would read this and know that they are not alone. And that they can overcome their trials and find their true happiness!
Life is too short to settle for unhappiness.
  I believe that sometimes you need to experience a bad relationship to appreciate the good relationships! You need to have trials in your life, so that you can experience the feeling of overcoming that trial which will result in pure joy. But you will only experience that true joy if you are willing to let go of the negativity in your life that is weighing you down. Easier said than done, but I promise it will change your life. It did mine.

It truly is a remarkable feeling being with someone who genuinely cares for you and who will do anything for you. Who loves you unconditionally. Who goes out of their way to make sure that you feel loved. Someone who treats you with respect, who is loyal and trustworthy, and someone who will never give you a reason to not trust them.  I honestly never knew this feeling existed. And that is why I am so determined to try and make everyone I know (and don't know), realize this. To try and get people to realize that they can CHOOSE the life they want. That you can overcome anything in this life, if you are willing to become vulnerable and let go of the negativity in your life, and make those small sacrifices that will result in your potential future happiness.

I can't imagine the pain that I would be in at this point of my life if I never decided to change my life and make it the way that I want it to be. I am grateful for my trials for making me a stronger person. I am grateful for my friends and family for staying close to me during my low points. I am grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ for giving me the comfort of knowing that I can be forgiven of my past choices. I am grateful for my sweet Ellie Mae for being my little ball of sunshine on a cloudy day. and I am eternally grateful for my husband Ryan, for helping me realize what every girl deserves.

images via my pinterest


  1. Such a great post Michelle! You are such a great example and I just look up to you a lot :).

  2. I loved this. So much. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate your honesty! As you know, finding your blog and reading your story is helping me so much as I work on bettering myself and moving on to a better life without an unhealthy marriage.

    I'm grateful for the email conversation we had and just for knowing that hope and peace and real, true love all wait for me ahead :) Thanks again for sharing your story :)

  3. You are awesome and amazing and loved. Wonderful advice. Love, Dad

  4. Well put! I love that quote from Elizabeth Smart.
    Also, how cute is you dad's comment? Best dad ever!