Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Confessions of a working momma

Are there any working mommas out there? Or do I just feel like I am the only one lately??

As you may know, I am a working mother. I have been working at my Dad's company Netdocuments now for 3 years and I love it. I love my job, and feel very blessed to have a job! But I can't help but feel like there is a big hole in me sometimes. I miss my girl soooo much during the day and wish that I could be with her more! I will find myself looking through my phone every so often, skimming through pictures and videos of her. I can't help but worry and wonder if she is being a good girl at day care, if she is saying her 'pleases' and 'thank you's' like we have taught her, and if she is being comforted enough when she goes down for a nap. I'm a mom! What can I say?

Things were A LOT different when I was a single mother. A LOT harder. Fortunately now, I have the physical support of Ryan's job helping out, and also his emotional support to keep me feeling like I am a good mom for working and helping support our family while Ryan is in school. Ryan is so optimistic about our future, and with him graduating from school in a year from now, I can see my working days minimizing!
But I have thought a lot about what life will be like when I am a stay-at-home-mom. It will be quite different. A lot harder in different ways, and easier in some ways. Sometimes I feel like, "what will I do with all of my time at home?" but then at other times I think, "will there be enough time in a day to teach Ellie everything that I want her to learn about?" I go back and forth, and it will be an adjustment trying to find a balance while jumping into a completely different routine and lifestyle. When times are rough as a stay-at-home mom, I will just need to remember all of the times that I was at work wishing I could be at home with Ellie.

I catch myself day-dreaming about the near future.... me taking Ellie to the park in the afternoon and teaching her about the grass and the trees and the birds.....then making a picture perfect meal for Ryan to come home to, then us three laying on a blanket in the backyard teaching Ellie about the stars......

I know that 'stay-at-home-motherhood life' won't be this picture perfect, and there may be burnt dinners for Ryan to come home to, and I know there will be many tantrums at the park, but I am excited for those adventures. I am excited for when school will be behind us, and we can be settled into our imperfect-but-happy life.

So for now, I am feeling grateful that I have a job, and grateful that Ellie has a safe place to be while I am working. I am feeling excited and anxious for Ryan to finish school and start building his career, and I am excited to go through this journey of the unknown future with the two most wonderful people I know.
Ryan & Ellie. :)



4 comments:

  1. I am a working mama as well and trust me do I know about the emotions your heart withstands in doing so. It is a struggle sometimes and we worry about if they feel abandoned, but a wise person told me that they understand that mommy is going to work to take care of them! It just takes our wonderful mommy love for them to know that we love them. In the time that I have been reading you seem like an amazing mom! :)

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  2. I know you will absolutely love it (and never run out of things to do!). I've never felt such joy in anything else.

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  3. I'm excited for your little family too! You guys have a lot of great things to look forward to in the future. Enjoy the situation as much as you can right now...knowing that it will change soon enough...and that will make you appreciate and enjoy the next "phase" all that much more. Kudos to you for supporting your hubby while he's in school. And, as a side note...what would they do without you at NetD?? You are sooo needed there :)

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  4. thanks for posting this. as a mom who watches another child, i love the perspective - especially about whether or not she gets comforted enough at naptime. i'm so glad our little friend gets to come play with us. this is one of many good reminders throughout the day that her mommy misses her like crazy. i will be giving out extra hugs this week. :)

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